Monday, October 5, 2015

One Blessed Mommy

Ever since I was little I knew one thing.....I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up.
In the fall of 2008 I met the most amazing man who only a couple of years later became my husband. 
After about 3 years of marriage, we knew we wanted to start a family. I was so anxious. I remember every little ache or pain I had, I ran and got a test thinking this is it! Time after time I saw that single line...or the dreaded NO or NOT PREGNANT. 

At that point I became discouraged. Everyone around me, including family, was having little ones! It was so difficult to be happy for them. I smiled on the outside but on the inside I was hurting and even envious at times. It was SO incredibly hard to remind myself that it'd all happen in God's timing. 

After over a year of waiting, I was introduced to fertility medication. 
I continued on this medication for 6 months....still nothing.

At the end of the 6 month period, I met once again with my doctor.
She told me that there was nothing else she could do, that I'd need to see a specialist. 
I remember feeling crushed when I left. I didn't want to see a specialist and I surely couldn't understand what was wrong with me. My biggest fear in life has always been not being able to have children. As I was driving down the road after that appointment I remember deciding that I was going to wait to see that specialist. It was early in the spring. I decided that I'd give it till fall before making that decision. 

Later that summer....I remember it was the month of June, I was on vacation. We didn't actually go anywhere, just spent some time around home and with each other. We made a day trip that Monday to Emerald Point. I remember stopping several times throughout the day for breaks because I was just so tired. We had stayed in a hotel the night before so I figured maybe I just hadn't slept as well as I thought I had. A few days later, I was still getting tired throughout the day. Finally the thought crosses my mind.....could it be? I grabbed a test from the stash I had created under my bathroom cabinet (I think I could have had stock in pregnancy tests) and gave it another try. 
I was used to the NO. Many days I stood waiting, patiently to get the results I wanted.
That particular day, within seconds, that test would change my life. 
Instantly the brightest and  boldest two lines you've ever seen appeared. I remember standing there stunned....Like I wasn't quite sure I was looking at it right.
Soon after that, the tears came. I've never in my life cried tears of joy until that moment. 

Sometimes I wonder why it took so long, why the fertility medicine didn't work...
But I now know, God knew when I'd be ready.
Having my precious little girl, holding her for the first time and even snuggling her up at bed time makes me realize how blessed I am. I look at her and see that sweet smile and I can't help but tear up. My heart is so incredibly full.

For those of you ladies who are struggling with this, I have felt your pain. I remember the numerous sleepless nights, the tears and the nightly prayers to God begging for a child. 
Just remember that God's timing is perfect.

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